Thursday, May 22, 2014

Things You've Realised After Four Years in Dundee

Homage to the class of 2014, here are some things that we have come to realise after (at least)four years at university in this fine city.

You'll have no idea what is going on in the world without Hermes.

If you thought you could speak English then you're wrong; who knew it's Nice-a not Neesa(aka the centre of the universe if you're a westender).

The bridge to Tesco will never be built, that is until the year after you graduate.

Riverside apartments are a mythical land.

Free heating in the library should not be taken for granted.

You'll never stop wishing you could still have pre-drinks at Templelane.

RIP Tay Mills.

Perth Road has an end.

"Going to Tesco" is a acceptable pastime.

You'll feel old at Skint by second year.

Nobody told me they actually charge you to graduate.

North of Dundee does exist.

All of the No.5 buses have a name.

(Sorry about the crappy photo...)

At Grad ball you'll suddenly realise all the people you wished you'd got to know better. And those you're glad you'll never see again. 

(I'll happily see this lot again!)

It's about time you visited Newport but you'll only ever remember how long the Tay Bridge is when you are already halfway along it.

The library security guards are top of the food chain.

You'll never really be ready to leave...

Saturday, May 10, 2014

A Eurovision Warm-Up

Most of you probably hate Eurovision but you’re just lying to yourselves. It’s the passively aggressive political cheesy crapness that makes it fantastic. I probably stick to watching Eurovision every year better than I do celebrating Christmas and with the event only a few weeks away I have trawled through the entries so you don’t have to with my application to be next in line to the BBC Eurovision commentary throne.

Who I want to win:
The Netherlands - I'd actually buy this, meaning it's definitely not going to do well at Eurovision.
Denmark - Bruno Mars’ Scandinavian cousin demonstrates how lyrics mean sweet F all and all you need is a catchy song..
UK (...of course) - The Soviet belt will love this "power to the people" stuff, maybe we have a chance? Ha...

Who will Probably Win:
Sweden - Okay we get it Sweden, you’re good at Eurovision. And everything else...
Armenia - Don't be fooled by the first 2 minutes, it changes pace and gets good.
Hungary - Radio 1 would be all over this if it wasn't Eurovision, plus he’s pretty.

The Worst:
Georgia - Most colourful lyrics, if you can catch them.
France - France obviously have some more pressing issues than Eurovision but this will probably still beat us.
Macedonia - Imagine those women out on hen parties singing karaoke and dancing and you're there.

Other “Highlights”

Albania - Sounds a bit like a poor man’s Shakira filmed on a go-pro at Tentsmuir, at least they take their horse-riding safety seriously - helmets are the new sexy.

Austria - With an innuendo filled name like Conchita Wurst, this had to sound like a Bond theme.

Azerbaijan - If you want to watch a lady grope some instruments and be blown about by a wind machine, then here is what your poison.

Belarus -  Surprisingly, not the only cake euphemism of the year.

Finland - Finland’s answer to One Direction: dip ‘em in bleach and make them sing about death. Classic Finland.

Greece - Ah so this is what they do to the British Lads they arrest in Zanté.

Iceland - The Beastie Boys eccentric cousins reinventing peace and love for Millennials.

Israel -  The angry Israeli women’s 'Single ladies'.

Latvia - A song about the munchies. Thank you Latvia.

Malta - Tonight Matthew we want to be Mumford and Sons.

Norway - Keeping out of tradition as ever..

Poland - Britain, what have you done to Poland.

Portugal - Ricky Martin chundered on Portugal.

Russia - Sochi seems to have blown Russia's budget this year.